Session 4 - Words

Bible Reference: Proverbs 12:8, 12:22; James 3:1-12; and Ephesians 4:25-32


Those who cannot or will not speak wisely eventually tear up their home and their partner’s heart. If we withhold the right words, we emotionally starve our mate, and we grow distant and far apart. On the other hand, to use words rashly or harshly is to crush the very ones we love. There are three essential ingredients to wise and godly speech:
When these three parts are practiced together, you have the ability to work through the hard things of life; you will find that you heal and build up, not tear down and destroy. Those who do not practice them together, don’t practice them at all! To speak the truth without balance, and then two days later build up or express humility, etc. is simply to be inconsistent. And, inconsistent people feel dangerous to us. We “fence them off,” never really believing them or letting them get too close to us. To be a sweet gift to your mate, speak the three parts together.

  1. Speak honestly (and speak that truth today).
  2. Speak words that value and build up the other.
  3. Speak with humility.

In this session, we also point out that one of the most fatal flaws to relationships is resentment and bitterness. If we do not use words correctly, we not only bruise our mate, but we also create the breeding ground for our own resentment. If you want to keep the hurts of life from becoming permanent fixtures on your heart, twisting it into an embittered one, you must learn to speak with godly wisdom.

Words… great marriages are built on them; failed marriages are destroyed by them. A man will never feel loved if he does not feel respected; it is the oxygen he breathes! Is a man always respectable in all areas of his life? Of course not, and no one can pretend to admire that which is in reality a weakness. But a wife who loves her husband can always find parts of his life that can be respected, and even her belief in him will be a key part of his becoming what he would like to be. People tend to live up or down to what we think of them. (It does need to be noted that giving a husband respect is not the same as cowering under every wish or want he might have. Real respect will sometimes come in the form of confrontation.)